I’m finally home.  Showered and in front of my computer.  Typing out this article while my feet are throbbing.  We threw a successful bachelorette party on a party bus tonight.  The goal was to give our clients the ultimate Sin City stripper experience that they would never forget. And we achieved it!  Here’s how our night went…

First, I (Steve the host) had to make sure I had everything ready for my clients.  I reserved one of the nicest buses from Elite, a black 20+ passenger party bus limo with a stripper pole.  I had ran to the store and purchased all the items for the wet bar (1.75ml of Tito’s Vodka and 1.75ml of Jameson Whiskey plus coke, sprite, ginger ale, orange juice and cranberry juice.  I also made a thank you bag with four red bulls, two spritzers, some pedialyte packets, some neon light stick decorations and a few packages of M&M’s. 

I had set everything up and tried to think of every possible moment that I could enhance for my bachelorette party.  I wanted them greeted by my beautiful hostess Ayesha at the restaurant they were eating at (Cabo Wabo Cantina inside Planet Hollywood).  Then they were to be escorted down to valet where I would meet them along with Onyx and Brianna (my topless waitress and buff butler).  Both Brianna and Onyx would be dressed up classy as they escort the group to the party bus.  The bus would then cruise for 30 min and then pick up three strippers at the Virgin Hotel.  I had Jersey, Romeo and Chas all dressed up as cops.  They would come on the bus and say a few funny lines and then began to pretend to arrest the bachelorette.  Comedy and mayhem would ensue and finally the dancers would start stripping for the group.  Onyx and Brianna would then join in on the fun.  Later we would take a group photo souvenir at the Las Vegas Sign.  After that it would be stripper party all the way to the Sahara where the group would get dropped off in time to see the Magic Mike Show.

So that’s how it was supposed to go down.

Here’s how it went down instead.

First of all, the bus driver left the bus at 7:20pm.  That was when I pulled up to drop off the drinks, mixers and props for games.  I was outside the bus knocking on the door when I finally realized he wasn’t inside.  So I ran back to my car and asked my Mom who was visiting to park my car in the garage (she got lost doing so, had a horrible time, and got stuck with a $20 parking ticket) because I now didn’t have enough time to do so myself as the driver was back in the bus around 7:28pm.  He also was a horrible communicator and provided very poor customer service.  He literally acted like he didn’t like me from the moment we met.  I don’t know what his problem was but to make me late like that because he decided to leave the bus and go for a walk through valet (maybe a bathroom break but we’re on the clock so he should be doing that on his own time and not when I’m paying him to drive my clients and I.).  But wait, it gets worse.  The driver left a mess inside the bus, with some cleaning fluid in one of the bottle holders and the rest of the holders were empty with no ice or cups.  I asked him about this and he said “the icemaker broken so we’re stuck buying it from the gas station”.  Well, I hear your excuse but really don’t care as I’m a paying customer who is not receiving the VIP service I was promised.  And worst of the worse, he’s making my company look bad because now my clients are walking into a bus late and with no drinks ready because we can’t cool anything down.  We tried to make the customers happy and served a few of them some shots of whiskey with a warm sprite to chase it down.  The driver then drove very roughly to the gas station.  I know it was rough because I’ve ridden in hundreds of party buses over the 20+ years I’ve lived in Las Vegas, and this type of bad driving seemed intentional.  We get to the gas station and it seems like forever for the ice to arrive.  By the time we get it, we’re now late picking up the three strippers at Virgin, who were outside waiting and melting in the 105 degree weather.  We finally pick up the dancers and we get the party started.  Now as we’re driving, some of the guests and dancers were standing on the seats in order to do some goofy dances or tricks.  I recognize that that’s a no no in the party bus world (nothing worst than customers damaging seats with shoes or worst, high heels!) so I’m constantly reminding anyone who gets on the seat that it’s not allowed.  But it continues to get more stressful as the driver turns off the music and forces me to find my way to the front of the bus, where he reprimands me in a way that’s conceited, like he’s talking down to me.  I tried to calmly explain that I’m doing my best to manage the party and all of the guests and paid talent and make sure they abide by the party bus rules.  He was rude and condescending in his tone while speaking to me after that.  I don’t know what his deal was but he truly was the worst party bus driver I’ve ever had since I moved to Vegas in 2003.  He was absent upon arrival, late coming back, had no ice or water and he didn’t even have cups out.  We had to ask him and he took his time giving is a bag of red cups.  As though this was his personal stash that were asking him to give to us for free.

CUPS, ICE, WATER.. THIS IS ALL MANDATORY AND SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE BUS WHEN WE ARRIVE.  Instead I feel like an idiot as I try to make light of the situation to a crowd of thirsty people who are ready to party but now have to wait as this bus with a GTA driver who drives without a care for his passengers who can barely sit still as the bus rolls side to side because of he doesn’t care about driving smooth for us.  My guests were all extremely nice and friendly and I could see their faces get annoyed as the driver literally made us feel like we were in a bumper car.

 The driver wasn’t the only person who messed up.  One of my entertainers was supposed to be dressed up for his buff butler job.  Buff Butlers are supposed to arrive looking suited and booted. Meaning at the very least, a dress shirt and tie with slacks.  Instead, he comes wearing fluorescent green shorts, t-shirt and baseball hat backwards.  He definitely stood out next to my topless waitress who was wearing a tight fitting sexy cocktail dress and I was donned in all black and proper.  I had to joke with my guests and say the buff butler lost his pants so now he’s a beach butler (smh).

But he’s a good guy and does a good job most of the time. I could tell he fell bad about the mess up.  And I reassured him that as good as he does with most jobs, this was unacceptable and can never happen again in the future.  I pay my talent very well and our jobs are safe and easy so it’s mandatory they show up looking right and on time.  No if’s, and’s or but’s about it!

We got rolling and the guys and girls did a great job entertaining everyone at the party.  Aside from driver being very rude and doing a horrible job, we managed to make the night a success as the guests truly had an experience they would never forget!  The police entrance, stripping, dancing and tricking really provided a lot of wow’s and laugh’s from the group.  And we took some great photos and videos of everyone having a blast and they will now have memories that will last them a lifetime 🙂

After cleaning up the bus and exiting, the driver left without saying anything to us.  No apology, no discussion about the issues.. just left.  Ayesha, Brianna and I took a taxi back to PH and then called it a night.

Lessons learned from tonight:  #1.  Use a party bus company where the driver cares about doing a good job.  #2.  Make sure the entertainers are better trained in how they enter a bus, what they do in the beginning, middle and end, and how they leave.  #3.  Provide cheap slip-on’s that the girls can wear because a few of them couldn’t keep their heels (painful to walk in) so they walked to the Vegas sign bare foot.  #4.  Start docking pay when a talent fails to do their job properly.  Like a pro-rated deduction for things such as being excessively late or not dressed correct or prepared to do the job. #5. Come up with a better way to emphasize tipping during the ride.  Often guests are confused on tipping and we try to provide some guidelines through texting and email prior to the date of the party.  Now I believe we need to better instruct them during the party, such as when we play crazy games or do body shots or give lap dances.

Still. As hard as tonight was for me (felt like I haven’t stopped working and my phone has been beeping constantly from so many people talking to me at once).. I’m happy it still went well and the customers and dancers were happy.  Yes the tips could have been better but I’m sure we’ll get some positive reviews from it and that would truly make it all worthwhile.  I want to thank all of my people for their commitment to improve and their hard work.  Together, we’re gonna rock Las Vegas.  Summer of 2022! Lesgoooooooooo